Meh.

I'm hesitant to talk about all this. I want to share how much my mental health has been improving. At the same time, I worry that my sharing of certain realizations will make me come across as big-headed and delusional. I guess I still have a lot to work on where my insecurities are concerned. I started working on a screenplay around a month ago. The impetus sprung from the restlessness of being a 30 year old man that's surrounded by people who are moving forward in their lives. These are peers of my age and even much younger who are married, have families, or are in their career of choice. Comparatively speaking, I am stagnant in this area of life. I'm not in the place I had hoped that I would be in a decade ago. But the screenplay isn't really about that anymore. It went down an alternate but related path. Instead, I've chosen to focus on depicting the struggles of a man with depression. I wanted to show how he perceives the world through the prism that is despa

For most of my life, I have had an issue with negative/distorted thinking. Actually, it's safe to say that I've done this for all of my life. Thankfully, I've had therapists who have taught me to identify when my thoughts are distorted. Once I've done that, I make an attempt to change my perception to one that is more open and/or based in reality. Over time, my brain will "reprogram" itself so that the negative perceptions are no longer the default response. This is the overall method and purpose of cognitive behavioral therapy. My struggles have always related to insecurities about my appearance and how my personality is received. The majority of my life I have lived under the belief and perception that I'm a vacuum of sex appeal and charisma. Obviously, this is not a realistic perspective of myself. I've received compliments on numerous occasions from old ladies and women that I have zero interest in. I'm joking... but I'm not joking . Tha

I'll be 30 in November. As I approach my next birthday I find myself revisiting the same thought that I have had in the previous five years: I've done absolutely nothing of significance with my life. I've had opportunities but I simply don't have the nerve or the motivation to move forward. The last few months combined with re-visiting the events of 2005 led me to explore a little more deeply into my mental illness. My particular brand of depression is called dysthymia or persistent depressive disorder. It affects somewhere between 3%-6% of the population. It's a low-grade depression and it's less intense compared to major depression but not any less harmful. Major depression can last weeks or several months and is usually associated with a traumatic event, i.e. divorce, death in the family, etc. Dysthymia goes on for years, ebbing and flowing and rarely ever disappearing completely. There were a few stated symptoms and characteristics common to each of the